Written on 16 January 2019
“This is not just any news report. Something massive has happened.” Terry exclaimed, like the goddamn heavyweight he is.
“You might want to press record on your VCR's, such is the seismic magnitude of the broadcast you're about to witness.” little out of date, but he's absolutely fucking crushing it.
“Here is a summary of what we know so far. . .
A man announced something.
People were either angry or delighted about the announcement.
Another man called for a vote on the announcement, but was denied.
The former man is now under so much pressure it's a shock he hasn't turned into a diamond
“We go over to a correspondent to add gravitas to the story. We hope she'll paint a rich tapestry and really hammer home just how bloody important this all is.” That diamond line was unbelievable. He’s such a heavyweight he could probably knock out Mike Tyson with only his words.
“Yes, thank you Terry. Things are going a bit crazy here. As you can see there are lots of people being interviewed by various news outlets, which really shows how important this is. I'm joined by a person who agrees with the statement and someone who disagrees. Person who agrees, why do you agree?”
“Because the people agree.”
“Fascinating, and what do you say, opposed person?”
“I disagree.”
“Explosive. Back to you Terry.” she was so on point. We really have the best team. We could win a Pulitzer for this broadcast.
“Thanks correspondent. This just in, a prominent person who usually agrees with the person who made the statement actually disagrees with them. What does this mean expert?”
“I don't know, as we've only just found out about it. But would you like me to wildly speculate?”
“Please do.”
“Great. Well this prominent person obviously wants to usurp the man who made the original statement. I suspect they haven't got on for months.”
“So do you think the original man will have a job by the end of the day?”
“Who knows.”
“Expert, thanks.” I've got goose bumps. Literal goose bumps. Bring it home Tezza.
“Thank you for joining us for this earth shatteringly important broadcast. Tune in in half an hour, and we'll rehash what we've just done. Goodbye.”
It's days like this I'm proud to be a journalist. Proud.