Written on 17 January 2019
The puritan did everything.
He partook in confession every day, he asked for penance every time he got down on his knees and prayed, which was a few too many times, if anything.
He would whip himself when he had an impure thought. Heck, he even did it when he stared a moment too long at a picture of Helen Mirren in the Radio Times.
God did not answer his prayers, though, as January stubbornly continued to exist.