Written on 9 April 2019
“Okay, you're going to have to talk me through this one again.” Sandra said, putting down the jelly.
“Look if you need to take notes, that's fine.” replied Callum, flipping up his visor.
“No it's okay, just talk me through the scenario one more time.” He sat down on the bed next to her.
“So, I'm a riot policeman. I've just had a hell of a day. I accidentally hit a teenage boy with my Billy club whilst on duty. I'm in trouble. Suspended with pay, but it's not looking good for me.” Sandra nodded.
“Okay, and what was the boy doing?”
“Innocent bystander. A bunch of eco warriors and hippies were trying to infiltrate Bernard Matthew's HQ. Things were getting a little tasty. The boy was actually just trying to get across the road for the bus, but I misconstrued this as him charging me. When he got close I clubbed him. This led to an escalation. Babe, shit hit the fan.” Sweat was beading on his head under his riot helmet.
“Okay, and I'm a chip shop worker?” Sandra said, picking up the jelly. “And what's this for?”
“I'm devastated. They could have my badge for this. I leave the Serge's office and head straight to the chip shop. Ever since I was a kid I'd go to the chip shop and gorge on jellied eels and chips to make myself feel better.” He grabs her leg and begins caressing it.
“It's just me working. It's too early for the evening rush. I'm already sweaty and greasy, though.” She said, removing her paper hat and mopping her brow.
“I come in, still in my full riot gear. I'm immediately hard when I see you.” He said, going to kiss her neck, but failing due to the bulk of the riot helmet. “I ask for jellied eels and chips.” She opens up the jelly.
“And i say “how about having jellied me?” And I remove my stained chef whites and smother myself with Jelly like this.” He can take no more. Callum rips his helmet off and starts eating the jelly off of Sandra's body.
Sandra honestly wasn't that into it, but after 27 years of marriage she'd do just about anything for her husband, just as he would for her. Even pretend to be a jellied eel.