Written on 9 December 2018
To whom it may concern,
I want you to know that I'm fine, happy even. Well, I'm not fine physically, a bore gored my leg some weeks back, and I ate rotten coconut last night, so I'm in and out of the forest to excrete rancid. . . Let me start over.
If you're reading this, then I am most likely dead. That's a cool way to put it. Let's stick with that.
I was on a boat I can scarcely remember the name of, but we were on our way to the Pacific Islands. . . Well, I made it to a Pacific island, the issue is I'm not sure which. One that apparently doesn't get too much sea traffic. Is that what you call it? Sea traffic? I digress.
So, I'm fine. Not physically, as mentioned, but spiritually. I'm fine with dying here. I really am. But, what I really want is for my body to be found. Not just so my family has closure, but cos it's quite a cool way to die.
I reckon I've been here a couple of months, and Jesus knows how long this is going to take to reach anywhere, but if you find this, can you tell the coast guard to come and have a poke around the Pacific Islands for me? When it's time to die, I plan to be laying in a rather dramatic position on the beach, so I shouldn't be hard to miss.
Can you imagine if, when someone finds me, I'm just a Skeleton? That would be so baller.
Love to my family,
Sam Smithers (from Rochdale. I live opposite the library)