Written on 27 March
Mitch
Tom looks at Tim, who shrugs. Katy has her head in her hands, and who can blame her? After those speeches? Who are these men in her life. I take the microphone, my face a mask of burning passion. My Hugh Grant moment at last.
“I've known Katy since we were both nippers. We used to play doctors and nurses, we used to wrestle and roughhouse, and I remember so vividly one time in her back garden when I was 10, we suddenly realised if we rubbed up on each other it felt really good.”
From the heart, Mitch, from the heart.
“Fast forward four years, and we are going to a school disco together. We kissed. It was the most glorious kiss I've ever had. Still is. I tried to cup a breast, but Katy is far too classy to do that on a first date.”
Emily is crying. This isn't about you, Emily.
“Honestly, Katy, I've been in love with you ever since. And, really, deep down, I think you've been in love with me too. These men don't understand you like I do. Their speeches bloody show that.”
Tom approaches.
“Alright that'll do.”
“Tom, please. This is from the heart.”
“No, come on now, that's enough.”
“Katy, I love you. Let's leave this God awful wedding. We can go anywhere. Anywhere you want.”
Tim has got to his feet, but I only have eyes for Katy.
“What do you say?”