Written on 23 February 2019
Of course, I was expecting it. Dating a guy from a working class Northern background.
He'd told me his Dad hated Southerners. Not even in a jokey way, like a lot of northerners will make fun of you for being posh, or stuck up, or whatever, but he properly hates them. He apparently didn't talk to his son for a month when he told him he was moving down to London.
And so the berating began. Thatcher was mentioned, of course, though I wasn't even alive when she was in power. He told me I had nothing to be proud of, which I don't. Like I'd be proud of coming from somewhere I felt no affinity towards, that I couldn't wait to leave, and who's average resident I didn't like. My boyfriend did nothing. Just looked at his plate.
What he should have said is you have nothing to complain about, which is true. The home counties are a safe place, higher than average income, decent schools and plenty of outdoor space. I can't complain at all. I know how lucky I've been.
But then I also don't have an identity. People from Wales are fiercely proud of their heritage, people from the North have a sense of unity I've never experienced, West Country folk can't bloody wait to tell you where they're from, the dry wit of the Scots, the comradery of the Irish, the Midlands, East Anglia, Cockneys, Scousers, Mancs, all these people who aren't necessarily defined by where they come from, but are certainly influenced by that regional identity.
So I told him, this man who was so defined by where he came from, I told him I don't consider myself a southerner, an English Woman, British, European, whatever. I'm just a person. You've just laid into me for what you perceive me to be. But haven't asked me a single thing about my life, my work, what I love, what I hate, what makes me love your son, even though he's quite obviously scared of you.
On the drive back to London, we didn't talk. Honestly, I think we both knew it was done. I felt sorry for him, because even though he left, where he's from still influences his life. Even when he doesn't want it to.