Written 7 December 2018
Michael was always looking for middle ground.
At work, at home, on the train, in the pub. He just bloody loved a debate, a compromise.
This all came to a head when he was hospitalised by a skinhead after questioning his blatant racism. Michael overheard the man using the N word, the P word and the R word.
“Well, actually, I think you'll find the net gains of our immigration policy have far outstripped what is spent on it.”
The man paused for a moment, before grabbing Michael by the hair and walking him outside.
“Actually, violent crime conviction rates have been increasing incrementally over the last decade, especially when the victim is of my demographic.”
The man shoved Michael through the pub door and onto the floor.
“Actually, extensive research has been done into trends in violent people. There is a general correlation between having violent tendencies and possessing an undersized penis.”
The man kicked Michael in the face.
“Good choice. Research has found that kicking someone in the face is the most effective way of…”
The man kicked Michael in the face again, knocking him out. Michael picked his battles from then on.
He also hit the gym, got ripped, found the skinhead and smashed a pint glass over his head.
“forgive my mistake a few months ago. Actually, smashing a pint glass bottom first over someone's head is the most effective way of winning a fight, you racist fuck.”