Written 15 December 2018
Emily and Michael had been on three dates.
They'd gone well, both felt like they'd clicked, and at the end of date three, an average Thai meal and a couple of bottles of wine, they had shared a drunken snog.
But, when Emily waited to be invited back, or to suggest they go for another drink, she was left disappointed. Michael scurried off into the night, sheepishly explaining that work started early tomorrow, and bemoaning the fact he had to put a wash on.
Emily persisted, though, and she thought the best way to get this clearly shy person out of his shell was some increasingly graphic flirty text messages.
She started it off playfully. “I really enjoyed kissing you on Wednesday. . . We should do it again sometime.” She added a winky emoji, but regretted it almost immediately. 23 minutes later his response.
“Yeah, sweet, your tongue is nice. Sort of spongy.” that was it. It had taken him 23 minutes to conclude that she had a spongy tongue. Still, he did have quite a surreal sense of humour, so she wrote that as a one off joke and decided to ramp it up.
“I’d love to see your flat. Maybe after our next date we can go back and you can show me your room?” That can't be misconstrued, surely? 32 minutes this time.
“I'm a wolf, and I come out at night. Making love is what I do. Your vagina is mine to pleasure. I want to put my dick in it and continue onto penetration.”
Okay, what? Emily was suddenly feeling a little awkward.
“Is this still you? Just got a bit of a weird text.”
“What? You overwhelmed by my sexual pheromones? Sex is what I do. I’m the sex man.” This was followed by three dick pics of, quite clearly, three different dicks.
Emily opted not to message back after the graphic images. She blocked the number and returned to the dating app, rather annoyed at her time being wasted by yet another creep.