Written 9 November 2018
“Still can’t sleep?”
No because you won’t shut up.
“Remember the time you called your ex-girlfriend during The Kooks’ Leeds Festival set in 2006?”
Why? Why are you bringing this up now?
“You sung naïve at her and she told you to fuck off. Never mind, eh? Why don't you try lying flat on your back?”
I can never get to sleep on my back. You always suggest that.
“Why haven't you emailed your landlord yet about the boiler?”
I forgot.
“Should you do it now?”
I'll do it in the flipping morning.
“You probably won't remember. Would be nice to have a partner who could help you with these things.”
Of course it would.
“This massive bed, and only you in it. And you still can't sleep?”
I'm trying, but…
“That girl on tinder, what's her name, Sally? It's been 48 hours since she replied to you. Do you think it's because you're a massive bore?”
I don't really know, can we talk about this in the morning?
“I mean, you commented on the weather? What are you, 80?”
We'll yes, in hindsight I probably should have…
“Try rolling onto your left side. That sometimes works.”