Written on 23 April 2019
Those Yorkies, eh. They won't be told. Not by their family, not from a fellow Yorky, not from their physicians.
Still, in the stereotypically idyllic and picturesque village of Tetley there is at least one thing they all agree on, even if the details are debated. And that's the existence of T’ Big Lad himself, Rod Clavicle.
Okay, so a lot of this legend may sound familiar to anyone who has heard the legend of Paul Bunyan, a monolithic lumberjack who allegedly roams the midwest USA, allegedly chopping down trees and wearing flannel.
The difference is that Rod Clavicle doesn't cut down trees, he cuts down southerners, and he does it using giant rhubarb. I shit you not, this is the actual legend.
The story goes that back at the turn of the 17th century three gentlemen arrived in Tetley from Nottingham (which apparently is considered “the south” in Yorkshire) They caused quite a nuisance the evening they arrived. They drank all of the ale at the local inn, turned several of the local men into cucks by consensually banging their wives, setting fire to the local schoolhouse and generally being a punnet of plums.
That evening, whilst lying in a heap of naked local wives in a drunken stupor, Rod Clavicle came to town. The giant sod pulled the roof off the inn and plucked the three southerners from their orgy quarters.
Several locals claimed to have seen Rod, who would admittedly be hard to miss being around 25 feet tall and wearing cricket whites. They saw Rod carrying the three men with ease out to a local moor.
The next morning, the three fellows were found beheaded, with the largest stick of rhubarb in history laying nearby covered in blood. Their heads were never found.
To this day, the legend perseveres, though the exact height, outfit and general gruff demeanour is hotly debated. And whenever anyone south of the Dales arrives in Tetley they are warned by the locals; behave yourself or you'll have to answer to Rod Clavicle, the protector of Yorkshiremen.